The Comedians Wife

The Comedians Wife
If it's good luck when it rains on your wedding day, what does it mean if a hurricane blows through?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Common Courtesy Forgotten.

"I've always depended on the kindness of strangers"....NOT in this lifetime Blanche DuBois.   Even Tennessee Williams couldn't make the kind of day up, I had yesterday.

Apparently the TSA, and the rest of the world for that matter, doesn't remember anything about being kind to strangers and  helping your fellow man out. Common Courtesy is no longer a lesson learned or a moral followed. People just don't give a shit.   I say, when you go to check in for a flight, not only should you have to show your 17 forms of ID, but you must be handed a very specific, very clear, list of airplane etiquette rules, which you must then read and sign, before getting on the plane.   If you do not comply with this list of rules, for example, taking your disgusting bare foot out, and putting it on the arm rest of the persons chair in front of you.  Your plane neighbor should IMMEDIATELY be able to smack you!  No questions asked.

Obviously anyone who has traveled in the past few years knows the airlines suck, and the process of getting through the airport is just one great big pain in the ass. But we deal with it.  So what  if we pay hundreds of dollars to be treated like poop and told, "Sorry lady, we don't know where your luggage is." Or my personal favorite, when the airline handed me back my very expensive stroller with no wheels on it, NO WHEELS, a ripped off hood, and the steel bars of the base bent in half.   "Sorry mam, we are not responsible for fragile items."

 Right right...of course. My bad, I didn't realize you were transporting elephants under the plane who were shifted around during the course of landing and sat on my stroller.  I will try and find a stronger material than steel next time when buying a stroller. Fragile item my ass!!! I've seen my husband drive over my stroller  a dozen times with the car and nothing happened!

Believe it or not, as infuriating as all of this is I can handle the lack of courtesy the airlines give me.  They just hate their lives and have to deal with the horribleness of people every day.   It's expected. I understand they are going to be of no service to me and they don't care at all.  It is what it is.  What shocks the ever living day lights out of me, is the lack of common courtesy people have towards one another.

Yesterday, while going through security, my son began to loose his shit, literally, and BARF the fresh farm organic yogurt he had for lunch, all over the place. (Why is it always the day they have yogurt?) He barfed all over himself, all over me, all over the floor, all over my soul!   There I was, ALONE, freaked out, and barefoot, because obviously I have concealed some sort of weapon in my flip flops.  I lay there on the floor trying to catch the puke in one hand, rip through the diaper bag for some wipes in the other, all while everything I own is laid out above me on the security line, and not a single solitary person offered to help me.  NOT ONE! Not the security people, not another passenger, not even the freaking janitor!  To make matters worse, when I finally got back on my feet, my poor son stripped naked wrapped in his blankie, puke dripping from my hair,  I went to grab all of my belongings that were just left up on the  security counter and someone stole my watch.  The watch I got for my first mothers day non the less. How's that for a kick in the ass.

When I alerted security, obviously frantic, naked baby in tow, covered in puke.   An obviously annoyed employee, sauntered over to me slowly, and said, "What's the problem mam?" Then rolled her eyes.

"My watch was stolen!"

"Sorry mam, not our problem!" That's exactly what she said.

Defeated, stinky, and completely broken, I wandered off to the first gift shop I could find, bought my son and myself  entire outfits that said, "I'm Crabby, welcome to Baltimore!" Then we headed to our gate.


Of course.

Dressed entirely in gift shop apparel we patiently waited for our plane.

As I sat there exhausted and mentally beat down, I watched, as one by one people cut each other off, rolled suitcases over peoples toes without so much as an "excuse me. " Watched as they blatantly bitched about the children making noise at the gate and how they "PRAYED" those kids weren't on the same flight!

I kept going over and over it in my head.  Not a single person thought to even offer me a napkin when my son was hurling all over me.

I don't know.  Maybe I'm tired of traveling, or just bitter after being puked on. But what I do know is people suck, and common courtesy is gone.

Maybe instead of playing one of those stupid videos that no one watches, on where the airline flies to and how they are the # 1 airline to fly with.  Maybe just maybe they should play a common courtesy video on how to treat your fellow plane mate.

It would go a little something like this.

1. Brush your damn teeth before you get on a plane and bring mouth wash or a freaking pack of gum!  News Flash...your bad breath is as offensive to me, as my baby crying is to you!

2. Keep your feet in your seat! Don't even think of taking your socks off!  The next GNARLY toe I see creep around the corner on my arm rest is gonna get a pencil stab right to the nail! I mean WHO ARE YOU!

3. DEODORANT people. PLEASE. Why is this even an issue. Take a shower before you get on the plane and for the love of god don't wear a shit ton of perfume or cologne to cover your stink!  It's awful!

4. Your seat is not a lazy boy, don't push it into my knees when it won't move anymore.

5. Yes, kids can drive you crazy, but have a little patience for crying out loud.   The poor parents are being tortured and doing everything short of taping their children's  mouths shut to keep them quiet. You were in deed a child yourself once, and I'm sure you can find it in your Grinch heart to understand.

Okay...I feel better.

Oh and if anyone happens to see a White Michel Kors watch on the wrist of someone who is obviously not fashion worthy, rip it off their arm and let me know.



  1. OMG! Tra, what a nightmare! I am so sorry. I am so with you. People don't care and when you are traveling with kids you are a target for more rudeness! Hope you are finding time to relax...sorry about your watch.

  2. seriously lady. That SUCKS - what doesn't? Silver lining - this is fraking hilarious.

  3. Christine BennettAugust 9, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    OMG! OMG! Reading this brings all the memories of traveling alone with child, as well as alone, pregnant and with a small child, flooding back and it makes me so angry that my head might literally POP OFF! I used to just love flying to NY alone with my infant daughter who at the tender age of 3-8 months did not have the developed neck and back muscles to sit up on her own, however, without fail, when I would go through security, some guard with his hands in his pockets, doing absolutely nothing, would say, "Ma'am, you need to fold up the stroller and put it on the belt." Really? And where, pray tell, should I put my baby while I do this? Maybe I should put her on the conveyor belt with my bags and just shover her through the x-ray? Maybe I should lay her on the nasty floor so someone can step on her face with their nasty fungus feet? And of course not a single person in front or behind me on line would ever be bothered with this. I just didn't even expect it, so I couldn't be disappointed later. On the very rare occasion that someone did try to help, it made my year. And they were all just as pleasant when she was barely 1 and I was pregnant. "Ma'am, I'll need you to...." Oy vey. So I just became very very good at calmly pointing out the obvious to the oblivious 'airport people' - they should have their own breed. Airport Person: "Ma'am, you'll need to put the stroller on the belt." Me: "No, I'm holding an infant. You'll need to do that for me." "No, I'm pregnant and holding onto a one year old. You'll have to do that." And step awaaayy from the stroller... It was so gratifying just seeing the bewildered looks on their faces as I told THEM what to do. But God help me, it worked most of the time! And on the rare occasions it didn't, I made them regret it - I'd drop it 3 times, hit a couple of employees with it as hard as I could, get it stuck in the machine on purpose. Yes, I can play your nasty game too, Jerk Face! I hate them! I hate them all!!! Thank God I moved back to NY. I'm never flying again! Thanks for reminding me!!